I am not very happy with you right now. Because of you and your proud and selfish actions I have spent the last 36 hours in the worst pain of my life. It all started with being extremely cold. Like no matter how many layers of clothing you wear under how many blankets you can not get warm. Slowly, tight stomach cramps settled in. These turned into shooting pains and aching kidneys. Eventually my whole body ached and I couldn't get comfortable to save my life. I spent several hours moaning and groaning begging for relief, but none found me.
As time dripped by my stomach muscles began to clamp up. Long about 4:30AM I got that sinking feeling in my stomach and sweaty palms. I rushed to the bathroom in time to heave what felt like my entire gastrointestinal tract. This spelled relief for about 30 minutes, where I was promptly struck with the most uncomfortable case of nausea. Hours past as I drifted in and out of consciousness blazing with a high fever moaning unintelligibles.
Finally, after a 4 hour nap I broke my fever and nausea subsided. I woke at 3:30PM to find a beautiful day had passed and left me sweat through my clothes. So Adam, I blame you for the events of the last 36 hours of my life. Had you not stooped in arrogance to breaking divine law, none of this would have happened. I certainly hope you're happy.
The one evidence of grace in all this was the wife's patient, tender love and kindness in nursing me back to sanity. Even now, she putters around the kitchen preparing a suitable dinner for me; eggs and dry toast.
I am very upset with you Adam, but I guess had our roles been reversed I could not honestly say I would not have made the same choice.
